Yesterday was my last official day of college..the college gave us a
farewell which was pretty much similar to our freshers party...the
format hasnt changed..a lil music , chhole bhature, an evening filled
with promise,excitement, some sadness and a different kind of
expectation..will we ever see these faces again ?? will i meet this
man, this woman who was a young boy when i met him on the doorstep of
this college,when he first asked me where he could get his i-card
done...or when she first asked you whether the practicals are on for
the day..that person now stand before you,ready to take on the world ,
a little afraid but unbowed , ready to fly to an alien country with
nothing but himself or herself for support..ready to go out and work in
a field he or she knows nothing about but has to join because there is
no other option...i see a few who have already started working and
their desperate need to feel one with the crowd...to grab a last few
handfuls of this fun before it is taken away forever..all present
realize that it is the end of our gay lives,so to speak...from here it
becomes a struggle to keep that inner child of yours alive..till now
that was all that existed..and we put it all behind for an
evening..boys becoming men,girls blossoming to women..everything is
left behind..we're 16 again...and its for one whole evening....one
magical rainy evening....
and
in the midst of this maddening crowd..i stand alone..my face to the
skies..thanking my gods for the good news i've heard since morning..two
of the most important things in my life culminate successfully in a
single day..i couldnt ask for anything else...nothing more is needed..a
small prayer of thanks i send up and the raindrops smatter on my face
signaling the acceptance of the gods...i trace the path of a droplet
that falls on my forehead all the way to my nose..from there another
drop mingles with it...and another one on the forehead joins the
two..three have become one..but which one is the three ?? who
knows..will that how it will be...when i go out will i be engulfed in
the crowd or will i be distince unique...amongst the purified rain
drops will i be the poop excreted by a crow ?? that would be nice or
would it ?? i would be different, ugly but unique....the one thing that
does not fit in...or would i become one of the three or four or many
raindrope that kissed my face yesterday...the day that i let go....the
man who does not like getting wet danced for hours yesterday..letting
the rain wash away my sins..peeling my skin layer by layer...every drop
a blessing...i am born again..reborn revitalized rejuvenated...is it a
skill or is it a curse..or a blessing ??? to be in the midst of a
crowd..people who could be called friends..my brothers and sisters by
association...and yet feel so utterly alone and away...to see oneself
from a third persons point of view...to combine the one and the three
and so enjoy the feeling of being different...to be the one among the
many who is so at peace....to have your dreams fulfilled in a day..to
finally going to sleep content..knowing you have achieved
something...to finally enjoy something..is this what the ycall emotion
??
I guess i'll never know......
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