More Later...
Of seeds and weeds...
Its fun to see seeds planted start to grow; soon there'll be a need to weed, to protect the few that can blossom to their full potential. There is an argument that weeds too need to live; sorry, but I do not subscribe to that point of view.
Here we go again...
Its that time of the year again...and you know what I mean...
Hope, Fear, Excitement, Anguish, Relief..these are but a few of the emotions that you can expect in the coming month...I purposely leave out happiness because there will only be a few who will genuinely be happy, in spite of the multitudes that will claim to be so.
Its a special time for us too, and by us , you know who I mean..Culmination of days and nights and hours and hours of mental and physical toil...all culminating on the pinnacle of that day, and no, its not the one that you are thinking of....its another day altogether, one that will invariably be later than the one thought of..
Its tough to write without letting emotions go, so I think I shall stop now...
Remember this:
Sacrifice still exists everywhere, and everywhere the elect of each generation suffers for the salvation of the rest.
- Henri Frederic Amiel
thoughts..
Been unusually tired for the past few days....just dont have it in me to continue..and signs of hard time coming up too...made me realize that no matter how much you talk of just letting things go....you cant..u struggle and struggle...u persevere...and u tend to take a few hits on the chin, but u stand up and continue...thats the essence of a human being..we never stop thinking about what we dont have and what we couldnt do...and we never stop to think of what we do have...
Why do we find it so hard to just give things up completely ??
Why do we find it so hard to just give things up completely ??
The hypocricy of patriots
There are 2 days in a year,when i actually feel ashamed of being myself.when i feel that i would give anything to change,to do something that is not for myself but for an ideal,a hope..those two days are 15th august and 26th january..days i'd give my little finger to avoid being in this country that i so unconditionally love...
Its these days when i feel that i haven't done anything for this country,that i am not worthy to even glance upon that tricolour that is so proudly displayed everywhere..its been a long long time since i've been to a republic day or independence day ceremony without feeling so sickened that i had to run away from there..call it an overdose of patriotism that condenses my 365 days of love into 48 hours where my soul is filled with bile so burning that even smiling is a punishment and where my self-respect reaches a level so low that the marianas trench seems to be a mount everest...
However,what actually makes me puke is the amount of joyousness that seems to pervade the air all around me..when every single person is so full of themselves that i feel like slapping each and everyone and asking them..what the hell have you done for this country that you're walking around with that smug self-serving smile on ur face?
(this part of the post follows three days later, so the rhetoric might be toned down a little)
The absolute worst I-Day celebration was a year ago, in my new building where they had called a guy who had actually been a part of the Independence day struggle, in order to felicitate him. The whole thing was so sickening that i left soon after the national anthem, but not before I had the misfortune of seeing that 75 year old man trip and almost fall down. I dont know why, but that scene seemed to exemplify all my feelings towards this nation for whose freedom we are ready to die for, but on whom we spit and shit day in and day out.
Normally, every time, after you hear our national anthem there is an immediate shuffling of feet, as if people cant wait to get it over with so that they can get back to their normal lives. It is an almost-unconsciously done movement and i have seen it happen time and time again...55 seconds of patriotism before settling down for a movie...that is what we have come to, unfortunately...
I am one of those too, inspite of what you might be led to believe after reading this...But the root of my feelings come from one glorious inddependence day i celebrated years ago...my first ever outside the land i was born in...it was the first time that i recollect when there was a pause after the anthem, when hundreds of my fellow school-mates and I took a moment to reflect on what we had just heard...and more importantly, why it meant so much to us in the first place..believe me if you will, you have not heard your national anthem properly before you have heard it in an alien land...it is the sweetest, most melodisous sound that you can ever hear and the yearning that is raised in your heart when the final chords die away is reflected in the tears in your eyes....those seconds of silence have influenced me far more than any speech i have heard, any thing I have read...I might have to leave this country some day, to go abroad...but those seconds told me that I can never ever leave it forever...
I look forward to celebrating one more Independence Day like that before I die, the last time I had raised my head to look at the Tricolour.....
Its these days when i feel that i haven't done anything for this country,that i am not worthy to even glance upon that tricolour that is so proudly displayed everywhere..its been a long long time since i've been to a republic day or independence day ceremony without feeling so sickened that i had to run away from there..call it an overdose of patriotism that condenses my 365 days of love into 48 hours where my soul is filled with bile so burning that even smiling is a punishment and where my self-respect reaches a level so low that the marianas trench seems to be a mount everest...
However,what actually makes me puke is the amount of joyousness that seems to pervade the air all around me..when every single person is so full of themselves that i feel like slapping each and everyone and asking them..what the hell have you done for this country that you're walking around with that smug self-serving smile on ur face?
(this part of the post follows three days later, so the rhetoric might be toned down a little)
The absolute worst I-Day celebration was a year ago, in my new building where they had called a guy who had actually been a part of the Independence day struggle, in order to felicitate him. The whole thing was so sickening that i left soon after the national anthem, but not before I had the misfortune of seeing that 75 year old man trip and almost fall down. I dont know why, but that scene seemed to exemplify all my feelings towards this nation for whose freedom we are ready to die for, but on whom we spit and shit day in and day out.
Normally, every time, after you hear our national anthem there is an immediate shuffling of feet, as if people cant wait to get it over with so that they can get back to their normal lives. It is an almost-unconsciously done movement and i have seen it happen time and time again...55 seconds of patriotism before settling down for a movie...that is what we have come to, unfortunately...
I am one of those too, inspite of what you might be led to believe after reading this...But the root of my feelings come from one glorious inddependence day i celebrated years ago...my first ever outside the land i was born in...it was the first time that i recollect when there was a pause after the anthem, when hundreds of my fellow school-mates and I took a moment to reflect on what we had just heard...and more importantly, why it meant so much to us in the first place..believe me if you will, you have not heard your national anthem properly before you have heard it in an alien land...it is the sweetest, most melodisous sound that you can ever hear and the yearning that is raised in your heart when the final chords die away is reflected in the tears in your eyes....those seconds of silence have influenced me far more than any speech i have heard, any thing I have read...I might have to leave this country some day, to go abroad...but those seconds told me that I can never ever leave it forever...
I look forward to celebrating one more Independence Day like that before I die, the last time I had raised my head to look at the Tricolour.....
A thing of beauty, A Joy eternal ?
When you first come across a thing of beauty, you do not necessarily recognize it. Some things have their beauty hidden underneath, a beautiful princess under a myriad layers of ugly-looking sores that would drive the less determined suitors away. It takes a lot of courage and a healthy dose of irrationality to recognize the opportunity to do things slightly differently, to realize that you walk on a precipice thin enough to be a razors edge. On one side lies salvation, the bliss of unqualified success, and on the other, lies the ignominy of failure, the danger of living a good life unfulfilled.
As one steps through these hallowed corridors, one must realize that this is a place for self-made men (and women). All the tools necessary for your betterment shall be laid before you, every door of success shall be pointed out to you to walk through. But no one will assist you in picking up those tools, to break down that door and walk through it. Because, as it almost always does in life, it all comes down to the man you are. No one shall help you because each of them will be facing the same immortal struggle for upliftment that you do. What you do here in these two years, will define you as the boy you were, and the man that you will become.
It is easy to say things are bad, that you deserved so much more and that you got a raw deal. What is not easy is to accept the fact that you yourself were the one who served out the deal in the first place. No opportunity was held back for you, then why were you held back ? Break down the limitations of your mind, the self-imposed barriers and you will find a wondrous world of joys waiting for you that you never knew existed.
Recognize and accept the fact that not everyone will be equally successful. But question the definition of success before you classify someone as successful or not. Your definition of success might not be someone else's. It should not be. For if two people have the same definition, the same goals for success, then one of them is sure to fail. Understand, that until you know someone else's deepest desires and secret fears, you can never really understand whether he or she is successful or not. Truly then, the only person whom you can classify as being such is you yourself and no other...
A lot I have rambled on, without meaning to... My mind is in a state of flux always... I had hoped to write something about this great institute and look where I ended up..Well, the joys of writing...what can I say ??
As one steps through these hallowed corridors, one must realize that this is a place for self-made men (and women). All the tools necessary for your betterment shall be laid before you, every door of success shall be pointed out to you to walk through. But no one will assist you in picking up those tools, to break down that door and walk through it. Because, as it almost always does in life, it all comes down to the man you are. No one shall help you because each of them will be facing the same immortal struggle for upliftment that you do. What you do here in these two years, will define you as the boy you were, and the man that you will become.
It is easy to say things are bad, that you deserved so much more and that you got a raw deal. What is not easy is to accept the fact that you yourself were the one who served out the deal in the first place. No opportunity was held back for you, then why were you held back ? Break down the limitations of your mind, the self-imposed barriers and you will find a wondrous world of joys waiting for you that you never knew existed.
Recognize and accept the fact that not everyone will be equally successful. But question the definition of success before you classify someone as successful or not. Your definition of success might not be someone else's. It should not be. For if two people have the same definition, the same goals for success, then one of them is sure to fail. Understand, that until you know someone else's deepest desires and secret fears, you can never really understand whether he or she is successful or not. Truly then, the only person whom you can classify as being such is you yourself and no other...
A lot I have rambled on, without meaning to... My mind is in a state of flux always... I had hoped to write something about this great institute and look where I ended up..Well, the joys of writing...what can I say ??
techno..
My prof. is rambling about global marketing in a business theory class..in a sense,it does make some sense..although i'm not listening to a word of what's going on..what prompted this post was a comment by her on how technology might be a boon in some ways,but it definitely a bane in other ways..it led me to remember that i do have access to this wonderful technology that lets me escape on flights of fancy while being physically present here..isn't it amazing that how sometimes the same thing at the same time may be great 4 some ppl and absolutely wrong 4 others..i'm rambling here..but blame it on the prof not me..hehe..
Its been a little frustrating here..past couple of weeks have flown by without me really realizing that they have..and its been bugging me a lot..i know what i have to do and how to do it..but implementation,as always has been my bugbear.. @%€¤ it..and now that its entered my mind again,i'm too frustrated to continue this..back to business now...
Its been a little frustrating here..past couple of weeks have flown by without me really realizing that they have..and its been bugging me a lot..i know what i have to do and how to do it..but implementation,as always has been my bugbear.. @%€¤ it..and now that its entered my mind again,i'm too frustrated to continue this..back to business now...
The Next Post
Its always this part that lets me down...u know, after the part where i've decided that i am gonna write more...the first post comes easily enough....eager to write...but then, the next..im clueless..i have no idea what is to be written, why i should be writing in the next place..so i decided to check out a classmates blog..and it struck me that she's essentially revealing a lot about herself..maybe not a lot, but things about herself that i could never imagine someone else knowing. But then again, they were perfectly normal things...why shjouldn't I let someone else know those things about me ? why did i have to be so damn secretive all the time ? maybe i should be a little more open, help me in sorting myself out though..maybe give me the guts to face the biggest demon of all, myself...
For after I have looked at myself in the naked mirror of truth, what horrors can a world hold ??
For after I have looked at myself in the naked mirror of truth, what horrors can a world hold ??
First post from my cell..
this is definitely not as easy as it is conceptualized to be..its tougher to type..and i dont wanna post sms sized posts..but i might get used to it eventually..here's looking forward to many more posts..cheers..
For a friend....
Someone in my institute told me today that I haven't blogged for a long time, or at least anything of any consequence...and well, I was surprised, I didn't know anyone read this rag in the first place..it was pleasant, though....a reminder of things beyond the institute, placements, capital markets and corporate finance...Thank you mate, you know who you are....
It was a reminder of a time when I could express myself freely, without regards to consequences, when I would say fuck you to someones face and not give a bloody shit about it...the world's become slightly more complicated now, I have become entangles in myself..well, I do have 6 months to unravel myself...and now, as I feel these words and thoughts coming out of nowhere, I feel the same thing I always feel when I write, why dont i do this more often ?? Its much more therapuetic for me than I would care to admit...and its been years since I've collected my thoughts more coherently..maybe with my new wi-fi enabled phone (showing off a lil here, dont mind...its a Nokia N81-8GB), i could write more, especially during those endless lectures on business...
You know what, maybe I will...Thank you, friend..
It was a reminder of a time when I could express myself freely, without regards to consequences, when I would say fuck you to someones face and not give a bloody shit about it...the world's become slightly more complicated now, I have become entangles in myself..well, I do have 6 months to unravel myself...and now, as I feel these words and thoughts coming out of nowhere, I feel the same thing I always feel when I write, why dont i do this more often ?? Its much more therapuetic for me than I would care to admit...and its been years since I've collected my thoughts more coherently..maybe with my new wi-fi enabled phone (showing off a lil here, dont mind...its a Nokia N81-8GB), i could write more, especially during those endless lectures on business...
You know what, maybe I will...Thank you, friend..
Chaos...
Sometimes its just so out of control that you dont know what to do. Even the best intentions are laid to waste, coz there's just no point in having a good intention. Nothing ever gets done. Nothing can be imlemented. Each day drags out to another. Before you know it, its become a cycle, and not one you especially wanna get caught in. How do you get out of it all ? How much can you erase from a written page before you tear it ?
How do you get out ?
How do you get out ?
Questions...
When do things get better ? Or are they actually so bad now, that im waiting for them to improve ? Is the improvement in my hands or am I being guided externally ? How much of it can actually come from within ? Or are things actually better for me ?
Questions, questions....
Questions, questions....
