The hypocricy of patriots

There are 2 days in a year,when i actually feel ashamed of being myself.when i feel that i would give anything to change,to do something that is not for myself but for an ideal,a hope..those two days are 15th august and 26th january..days i'd give my little finger to avoid being in this country that i so unconditionally love...

Its these days when i feel that i haven't done anything for this country,that i am not worthy to even glance upon that tricolour that is so proudly displayed everywhere..its been a long long time since i've been to a republic day or independence day ceremony without feeling so sickened that i had to run away from there..call it an overdose of patriotism that condenses my 365 days of love into 48 hours where my soul is filled with bile so burning that even smiling is a punishment and where my self-respect reaches a level so low that the marianas trench seems to be a mount everest...

However,what actually makes me puke is the amount of joyousness that seems to pervade the air all around me..when every single person is so full of themselves that i feel like slapping each and everyone and asking them..what the hell have you done for this country that you're walking around with that smug self-serving smile on ur face?

(this part of the post follows three days later, so the rhetoric might be toned down a little)

The absolute worst I-Day celebration was a year ago, in my new building where they had called a guy who had actually been a part of the Independence day struggle, in order to felicitate him. The whole thing was so sickening that i left soon after the national anthem, but not before I had the misfortune of seeing that 75 year old man trip and almost fall down. I dont know why, but that scene seemed to exemplify all my feelings towards this nation for whose freedom we are ready to die for, but on whom we spit and shit day in and day out.

Normally, every time, after you hear our national anthem there is an immediate shuffling of feet, as if people cant wait to get it over with so that they can get back to their normal lives. It is an almost-unconsciously done movement and i have seen it happen time and time again...55 seconds of patriotism before settling down for a movie...that is what we have come to, unfortunately...

I am one of those too, inspite of what you might be led to believe after reading this...But the root of my feelings come from one glorious inddependence day i celebrated years ago...my first ever outside the land i was born in...it was the first time that i recollect when there was a pause after the anthem, when hundreds of my fellow school-mates and I took a moment to reflect on what we had just heard...and more importantly, why it meant so much to us in the first place..believe me if you will, you have not heard your national anthem properly before you have heard it in an alien land...it is the sweetest, most melodisous sound that you can ever hear and the yearning that is raised in your heart when the final chords die away is reflected in the tears in your eyes....those seconds of silence have influenced me far more than any speech i have heard, any thing I have read...I might have to leave this country some day, to go abroad...but those seconds told me that I can never ever leave it forever...

I look forward to celebrating one more Independence Day like that before I die, the last time I had raised my head to look at the Tricolour.....